Got the September School Struggle?
It's not officially recognised by the medical profession; but that doesn’t mean its not an all too real problem!
Did you get through the summer term by counting down to those summer holidays?
Then the summer came and went by in a flash (with not a lot of sunshine this year either!)
And now it's September and Christmas might as well be in 3 years time?
Getting to know new children, with new needs, with new members of staff and probably a load of new rules and procedures to follow is no easy feat. You think it will surely be easier each year and then, sure enough, you get to September.
And it isn’t.
The constant feeling of just ‘getting through’ is pretty crappy when you think about it.
September feels like a second ‘new year’, maybe even more so than new year itself. A point in the year to refresh, take stock and think about where you might want to be in a year’s time from now.
For me, it's now two September’s ago that I decided it would be my last year fully in teaching. I didn’t have it all figured out at all but making the commitment to myself that I didn’t want to be doing the same thing by next year’s September was an important starting point.
So, what thoughts come up for you when you start to think about making some career moves?
The ones I hear the most are the ones that used to ring through my ears:
“I can’t be anything else other than a teacher”
“I can’t afford to leave teaching and do something else”
“I feel so stuck, I don’t know where to start”
Sound familiar?
I am living proof that all of the thoughts above can be overcome.
Let’s have a go at helping you take steps to make your September next year look very different to this.
“I can’t be anything else other than a teacher”
Ever look at job adverts and can’t see how your teacher skills would ever fit what they want? Firstly, as a teacher you do have amazing transferable skills, it's just a case of repackaging them in non-teacher language. When you have made resources for the kids you teach you have designed user friendly materials that speak to diverse audiences. When you dealt with a disruptive class you have managed conflict, taken calculated risks, communicated confidently and used excellent negotiation skills. You get the idea, reframing what you do day in day out is key. We completely underestimate the skills we have because, as teachers, we get used to doing them without noticing. Have a go at listing what you do in one day and then adding next to it what skills you are using. I guarantee you will surprise yourself with how amazingly skillful you are!
“I can’t afford to leave teaching and do something else”
What we can and can’t afford is, of course, very personal to use and will vary depending on our circumstances. Firstly, don’t assume that moving into a new job or career will mean a reduction in your salary- there’s plenty of exceptions to this assumption! Work out what your monthly outgoings actually are so that you know what your minimum level of salary is. Consider what might change about these outgoings if you were to move into a different role. Would your fuel costs be reduced? Would childcare costs change? This made a huge difference to me. Create a ‘safety net’: an actual one in the form of a small savings pot or a psychological one by lining up some fall back options such as tutoring or supply.
3) “I feel so stuck, I don’t know where to start”
Address that feeling of stuckness head on and start thinking slightly outside the box. Start by writing down all the things that make you smile. Yes, I know that might feel odd but have a go. Next, what would you do if you had a whole day to yourself? This is the dream isn’t it - allow yourself to dream! What job would you do for free? Try to put aside any blockers here. What comes easy to you? These are the things that others might find difficult but come naturally to you. It might be a good idea to ask a friend or family member to help you out with this one.
Don’t sit in that September struggle too long. If you don't want to be in the same position next September, click here: Find out more
“You are too passionate about what you do”
“You care too much. You are not the right fit for us”
This was the feedback I received following a job interview a few years ago.
Hard to take, right?
Well …yes at first.
But what did I learn from this?
That, as a person who has worked as a teacher for many years, its no wonder that being passionate and caring deeply is important to me! I will always need a job role where you have to care and be passionate about what you do - it’s what motivates me - to me there’s no point if you don’t. Career fulfilment, for me, comes from caring about what you do.
That, as a coach, I only want to work with people who also care deeply about what they do. When I think about all my previous wonderful clients every single one of them is passionate about career fulfilment, want roles that they care about and they are not prepared to stay somewhere that doesn’t do this for them.
To not be afraid of feedback. Whilst I know I used to avoid taking action for fear of feedback, I now actively seek it out as a way to learn and grow. Many of my clients fear being stronger with their boundaries for fear of what might be said back to them, they avoid applying for new positions for fear of rejection. Navigating career development as a teacher requires you to reframe the fear of feedback, but doing so will reap huge rewards.
What’s been the most useful feedback you have received?
How do you feel about setting goals?
It was about this time last year that I started to think about what I wanted to achieve in 2021. I wrote down 2 things I wanted to achieve in my business and career and 1 personal goal. They all felt huge when I first wrote them down.
My personal goal was to run a ½ marathon. At that time I could probably run 5km before I felt like I was going to be sick and I was having to force myself to get out there and run every time.
How did I use goal setting to achieve the seemingly unachievable?
I wrote it down and stuck it up in my office somewhere I would see it everyday.
I broke down that huge goal into smaller steps - What did I want to be able to do 1 month before, 2 months before etc.
I researched training plans and nutrition.
I visualised myself crossing that finish line especially when it started to get painful on the longer runs.
I focussed on the sense of achievement I would feel.
I used a variety of podcasts and music to distract my brain from telling me to give up.
I rewarded myself when I went that little bit further each time.
I gave myself compassion when I got a bad cold and knew that going for a run was going to make it worse.
But it hasn’t always been like this for me…
I vividly remember back in 2017 when I had my first taste of coaching. I was asked about what goals I wanted to set myself - I had no clue!
I had had ideas about what I wanted to do which sometimes worked out and sometimes didn’t. The idea that I could actually set the outcomes that I wanted in my life and create a step by step action plan towards achieving it was incredibly empowering.
It was the gift that keeps on giving!
Not only has setting goals ever since given me the vision and purpose that I needed to make significant changes in my career and subsequent business but it helped me run a 1//2 marathon!
Do you set goals for yourself?
How do you feel about setting them?
Let’s talk burnout!
Burnout is a topic that gets a fair amount of media coverage these days, and for good reason!
As humans we thrive on connection and certainty, so the last 18 months have been an incubator for burnout! In a recent large US study of working age people, it was reported that 52% of participants were experiencing burnout, up nearly 10% on pre-covid levels.
Burnout is more than just feeling stressed or anxious. In the short term, stress can be a positive in our lives if channelled effectively. It’s the result of long-term stress and anxiety levels that haven’t been allowed to return and recover to normal levels. It leads to exhaustion and the inability of the body to function effectively.
The signs of burnout are:
· Physical: muscle tension, sleep disturbance, headaches, digestion problems and chest pain.
· Emotional: anger, cynicism, guilt, lack of self-esteem.
· Behavioural: forgetfulness, over-eating, withdrawal.
Most people don’t know they are burnout until they are! Building our self-awareness and prioritising ourselves is key to recovery – I speak from experience! Having the tools to recover is essential.
My top 10 tips/tools:
1) Talk to trusted friends and family and identify people in your network who can help you.
2) Know your work/life boundaries and let everyone else know them too.
3) Schedule into your day, just like you would a meeting, regular breaks and physically step away from work during that time.
4) Make fresh air a priority everyday, get outside even if its just a quick walk.
5) List out your causes of stress and then control the controllables: What can you control and what can’t you control? Let go of what you can’t control.
6) Spend 30 mins before bed on a ‘wind down’ routine.
7) Commit to one mindful habit at the same time every day: a gratitude journal, yoga, a form of exercise, meditation.
8) Draw a line under a ‘bad day’ and then start afresh the next.
9) Rather than keeping on adding to a never ending to do list, identify 3 things to prioritise and focus on just that first, anything else you do is a bonus.
10) Build up a picture of what you want instead: use all the senses, what are you seeing, hearing, feeling? A coach will help you do this and give you the accountability to put the action in place to make it a reality.
If you feel burnout and want support to regain balance and fulfilment in your life, get in touch info@kategreavescoaching.co.uk
Drop the guilt…
Like many women, I used to spend my life feeling guilty. I am not talking about the kind of guilt where you may have snaffled the kids sweets or perhaps started an argument with your partner because you were in a bad mood (although this could have happened accidently on purpose from time to time – ooops!) No, that kind of guilt can usually be remedied with a heartfelt apology and a ‘let’s move on’.
I am talking about the guilt that we self-inflict on ourselves as women. The kind of guilt that quite literally ends up feeling like heavy baggage that we can’t put down. I felt guilty for going to work and not being at home with my kids, I felt guilty for not being able to stay at work as late as others were as I had to get home to pick my kids up, I felt guilty for forgetting to do something I said I would do as my mind had got distracted onto a dozen other things that needed my attention, I felt guilty for not being able to keep to my exercise plan as time kept running out, I felt guilty for being so tired I didn’t have the energy to support my team at work, I felt guilty when we ran out of fruit at home…….the list goes on but you get the picture!
Feelings of guilt like this are so common that, according to a recent survey, 96% of women feel guilty about something at least once a day! Feeling guilty erodes our confidence, our self-belief, our energy levels and our ability to focus. In a way it’s a bit of a spiral effect. When I think back, a lot of the time spent feeling guilty about all this stuff was very much about me telling myself that I ‘should’ feel guilty rather than anyone else ever directly making me feel like this.
So why do we spend so much of out lives feeling guilty? Some of the answer to this lies in the long-held beliefs that we have about ourselves: belief in the need to achieve perfection in everything we do (we don’t, 80% rather than 100% is good enough for most things in life), stories we tell ourselves that our parents handled this stuff far better than us (they didn’t, we just believe they did or they have their rose tinted spectacles on).
So what can we do to tackle these unproductive feelings of guilt and step into a more empowered state? Here are 3 tips that I have used myself and that I now use with my coaching clients.
1) If a lot of the guilty feelings, as mine were, come from feelings of not being or doing enough; make a list of all the things that you DO do for those people. Write it down and stick it in your wallet or somewhere that you might regularly see it. This re-frame of the situation crucially shifts your attention away from the negative and towards the positive.
2) Shift to an outsider’s perspective and observe what’s happening. Is the cause of guilt something that is in your control or outside your control? If it’s outside your control consider whether it’s worth the time and energy spent of feeling guilty.
3) Check in with yourself as to whether there are any beliefs hidden behind the feeling of guilt. Very commonly, a belief that everything you do needs to be perfect can often be there. It can be a bitter pill to swallow but acknowledging that you may actually be creating a guilty feeling around something is an important ‘check in’ with yourself.
Feeling freedom from guilt is an empowering feeling and it’s one of the most common mindset issues that crop up with the women I coach. There is no silver bullet, it takes conscious and consistent action to achieve. If you would like support to overcome guilt in order to unlock your potential get in touch.
Give yourself some proper timeout this summer: It could be the best holiday you have ever had!
Take to take some time-out….
After a rollercoaster of, what is now nearing 18 months, you could be forgiven for feeling like a proper holiday is still a far-away illusion. The blurring of lines between work and home has, for many of us, made the ability to take proper time out incredibly difficult. We have been left feeling like we can never get truly ‘away from it all’ and this has led to a situation where many of us feel overwhelmed, stressed and at the point of burnout. Our default reaction to this is often just to keep on going and, in fact, what we often tend to try to do is cram even more into day.
The ability to give yourself permission to have proper timeout is something that many of us are afraid of doing. We are afraid of working less for fear of how others might perceive this, we often personally connect with our work too so that our work performance becomes a personal reflection of ourselves.
Despite these feelings, giving yourself permission to have some proper timeout not only gives your body a physical rest but it also helps create crucial clarity around what is important to us, gives us some much-needed perspective of the issues that have been swirling around in our minds and renews our ability to prioritise, something that often gets lost amongst the never ending to do lists! When we take time out, we can start learning to tap into our intuition, something that is often clouded by overwhelm and stress.
Carving out some time-out, whether that’s a few hours, a day or a week, creates the conditions you need to get out of short-term thinking patterns and instead think long-term. Longer-term thinking is where the magic happens: the dreams are imagined, the inspirations created, the pursuit of happiness prioritised.
So how can you make sure that you get this precious time out?
Schedule it into your diary like you would with a work meeting. I guarantee it will be the most worthwhile meeting you will attend!
Physically move yourself to a different place, whether that be somewhere far from home or just the local park or coffee shop. This will help you to shift those usual patterns of thinking that you associate with your normal environment.
Switch off your phone notifications so you are not constantly checking what’s going on and put on your ‘out of office’ on your emails.
Creating proper timeout allows you to move forward on your own terms: more balanced and fulfilled.